I am disappointed and let down by the male community. Let me rephrase that. I am let down by the Christian men; the men who are supposed to be leaders in the community, worthy of respect, and modeling their lives after Jesus.
I was recently in the hospital for a routine procedure. Not a huge deal, but with my health the way it was, I was nervous and needed prayer for strength. I sent out a mass text to a few of my close friends that I felt could be prayer warriors for me. My girl friends all replied saying they would be praying for me and even checked up with me afterwards to make sure everything went okay (thank God for such great friends!). However, I was disappointed to hear nothing from the guys I sent it to - men that I thought for sure could be prayer warriors for me. Venting about this experience, I sent this text to a friend of mine and she felt it was a powerful observation that men need to hear:
"Btw, some guy I only met once in class asked me how my surgery went. HE is treating me better than the Christian guys are. And yet the Christian guys always wonder why nice guys finish last.... Well, start treating your sisters better, you men of God! That's your duty! The non Christian men are outshining you!"Hm. Interesting. A somewhat random stranger showed more compassion and genuine care than my own brothers.
Here's the truth, men. Girls need guy friends, too. We need men in our lives who can encourage us, pray for us, and show us what men of God look like. Suzanne Hadley Gosselin talked about this subject in her article "Boy Crazy" found on boundless.org. She talked about how important it is for girls to develop friendships with guys.
"I've come to believe that healthy opposite-sex friendships are important and beneficial. Through these friendships, you receive a different perspective, gain practice in relating to someone of the opposite sex (if you're going to be married to one someday, it's helpful to know what they're like), and may even develop a friendship that grows into more....None of those guys was the one for me, but those friendships paved the way for me to learn how to be myself around the opposite sex."Girls have been screwed over in a sense. We have been trained all our lives to believe that if a guy treats you well, he must like you. Makes sense right? If he talks to you, hangs out with you, and treats you with respect, then by golly, hold on to him. He must be the one. But why should a guy only treat you well if he likes you? Can't he treat you with the same amount of respect even if there's no romantic feelings?
I've noticed in my own experience that guys who want to pursue me or have somewhat of an interest in me will treat me well (talk, hang out, compliment, etc). But the guys who don't will very rarely initiate conversation with me, make an effort to hang out or check to see how I'm doing. It's like they go out of their way to make sure I know they have no interest. Even though this hurts me, their intentions may be good. Christian men generally don't want to lead women on, and I respect that. But what are we supposed to think if we only get treated well when we are liked? No wonder women get clingy to men that treat them well. It's because it doesn't happen otherwise! What would happen if women always got the respect and honor they deserved from all men, not just the ones that had feelings for them?
Truth is, it is a man's duty to treat all women with respect. Especially women of God.
"Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!" - Proverbs 31:10
Give her everything she deserves. Praise her. Guys, this isn't just for your wives or women-of-interest, it's for every woman of God! Treat her with the respect and love that she deserves from her brothers! Men always say they want a "Proverbs 31 woman" - well start showing the ones that are trying to live that way that you appreciate it. Give us encouragement, pray for us, be there for us. We need men to step up and show us that they care.
I feel bad for single women because not only do we have no man in our life to love us and give us wisdom, guidance, and encouragement, but our guy friends ignore us so "we don't get the wrong idea". This leaves us feeling worthless, unloved, and not genuinely cared for. That's not what God wants. As Christians, we are all in the same family.
"Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity." 1 Timothy 5:1-2
Our number one calling in life is to love one another. That includes everyone, not just your spouse. It is possible to show love to your fellow Christian brothers and sisters without romantic feelings being involved. This is biblical.
"Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other." - 1 Thessalonians 4:9
"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." - 1 Thessalonians 5:11
"If anyone says "I love God" and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen". 1 John 4:20
"The second is this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself". There is no commandment greater than this" - Mark 12:31
Men, if we are all in the same family and if we are called to love each other, then lets treat each other in such a manner. Think about your family for a second. Families tell each other they love each other. They pray for each other. They hang out, go out to eat, go shopping, and call each other. They make sure everything is okay. They comfort each other when they are sad. They help in whatever way possible when they are in need.
Why do you do this? Because you love your family and that's what families do.
Christian men - I am your sister. I am God's daughter. Treat me as such.
This could go both ways in a lot of ways! But you're definitely right.
ReplyDeleteI do agree, it could and should go both ways! :)
ReplyDeleteso, coming from a guys perspective, i have experienced this first hand. I was always raised to treat women with respect, to help them and care for them when they are in need. I would say that for me chivalry is not dead. the first time i ran into a problem with this was when, in school, i started holding the door open for women. in several cases i either had a girl look at me like i was her night in shining armor or they scowled and walked through another door. granted, this was not every woman. But I would most definitely say that men are fighting an up hill battle these days. with all of the various forms of media involving romance stories it is very difficult to be a man these days. this is why it is difficult to know where to draw that line of "your christian brother." if something as minute as holding a door open for a woman these days gives some the wrong idea what is a guy supposed to do? i would say that i completely agree with the fact that most christian men in our society these days have most definitely dropped the ball on this one. for men the only solution for this would be to treat every woman with the same level of attention and kindness, but then, as in the case of one of my friends, as men, we get stuck in this no-mans-land of relationships or "friend zone" because most women these days expect a guy to show special treatment to them if they are interested, and from my experience it takes a lot more time and effort than most girls think for a guy to get a girl to see that. now again i say, men have dropped the ball, me included, but it isnt as easy as most girls think to be a guy these days.
ReplyDeletethe other side of the coin to this, and this is what scares most men, is that if a girl does get the wrong idea and the guy has to make that known to her, it comes back to bite the guy in the butt. in some cases even, that type of situation might even injure other relationships around him, depending on what, and in what way the girl tells her friends. just keep in mind that, unless the dude is a real jerk, and you feel like you were led on that us men are stupid. chances are that the guy didnt even know that he was leading you on. he most likely just thought of you as one of his really good friends and that was that.
Again i say though, this is most definitely something that men need to step up on. I will personally work at this to try and treat the women around me with equal respect and kindness. Because you are right Lottie, we are all par of the family of God and women are gifts to be cherished. Heck, we men know you are the better sex...we are just too proud to admit it hahaha!!!
Conner Hassman
the author sounds like she expects too much. i have lots of guy friends, but especially, the older i get, i realize it is not my responsibility to be the 'female figure' for guys, and it is not a guy's responsibility to be the 'male figure' for me. hang out a party with guys and girls, definitely! but don't expect men that you are not married to to be your confidante, spiritual leader, and deep-conversation-over-coffee-buddy. if you have that with a man, great, but men are not your best girlfriends. i have the most awesome girlfriends, and if i was in the hospital, i know they would be there for me, and that would be enough for me. my girlfriends are the sisters i never had; walked through alot of our lives together, and our bonds are much deeper and meaningful than any platonic girl-guy relationship could be.
ReplyDelete