This is going to be a short one today. Just wanted to share a revelation I have made! (I'm sure I've realized this before, but it's just now sinking in!)
Recently I've been stuck in this rut of doubt. Wondering who God really is, how much he loves me, and why I, myself, follow him/love him. I find myself asking a ton of why questions. After all, if I'm going to claim myself as christian and if I'm going to put my life in his hands/follow him blindly, then I need to know more and truly be in love with Him. I refuse to have a religion but no relationship.
Today at church a thought popped into my head.. just because I don't always feel like he's there, it doesn't mean he's not. Just because I don't see him, doesn't mean he's not real. My doubt in his power doesn't make him any less powerful. Just because I don't always believe it, doesn't make it any less true. Even though I may doubt what the Bible says and become very skeptical, doesn't mean it's not still the holy, inspired word of God.
Truth is, it doesn't matter what I think. It's still true! It always has been and always will be. I may not feel like it's true and it may not have sunk into my heart as true yet.
But just because my human mind can't concieve it and my heart can't believe it...it doesn't make it any less true!
So there. That's my thought for the day :)
Jesus said to the people who believed in him, "You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." - John 8:31-32
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Meant to be?...Really?
I heard the cutest quote at a wedding a couple weekends ago. My wonderful friend since I was in 8th grade got married to an equally wonderful man. Pictures cannot even capture how beautiful she was that day! She had everybody tearing up. It was a gorgeous wedding and I couldn't be happier for the two of them.
While the bride was getting ready, she was starting to get a little anxious. She was talking to her other bridesmaids about how she just wanted to "get to him" and see him. She spent the whole day preparing for him and now she just wanted to get to him. Be with him. Finally hold the hand of the man she would soon marry.
Of course, hearing her excitement to see him, we all let out little "awww's" and smiled back at her. We all shared in her excitement. Then one bridesmaid said "And that's how it'll always be. It's not just today".
Wow. How true. Once you find the man you marry, you're always going to want to "get to him". You'll always want to be with him, love him, support him, help him, and be his number one fan. That feeling of "man, I wish I could just be with him right now. Forget everything else and just be with him" will never (or at least should never) leave.
Upon hearing this, I instantly started daydreaming about my future hunk. I couldn't wait to meet the man I'm meant to be with. But the more I think about this topic, the more I ask this question:
Is there really a man out there - our other half - that God made specifically for us and we just got to find him? Or is it simply that God knows who we'll end up with?
In my twenty years of life, I can't remember going more than two weeks without dreaming about "the man God has for me". But isn't that a little ridiculous? Why would God, a jealous God who wants us to want Him, make a perfect guy who could possibly take my attention away from him?
Where in the Bible does it say that God has made a guy specifically for you? Could it be that we have simply made it up in our minds? It doesn't help when women all over say things like "God has the perfect guy for you" and "you two were meant to be together".
I can't decide if I believe that's true anymore. God never said "I have the spouse for you". He said he will grant us the desires of our hearts but He knows us best and maybe getting married isn't really our hearts desire. It could be our worldly, fleshy desire.
I don't think he made one specific person for another person. I'm starting to believe now that maybe he has multiple people who could be perfect for us and he gives us the option to chose. He knows who we will end up with. As long as we chose somebody who loves God, builds your relationship with him, and loves you with everything.. isn't that really all God desires?
On the other hand, maybe God did create a man with me in mind. Maybe he really is working issues out in our lives and winding our paths so that they eventually cross and we meet. Maybe he does have the perfect guy (for me) out there and he wants us to be together to furthur glorify His kingdom. It's not good for man to be alone (Genesis). Even though the Bible doesn't specifically say "I have made a guy for you", doesn't mean it's not true.
But how can classify this as truth if it's not in the Bible? Could it be that it's mere wishful thinking? Or could it be that I'm doubting, once again, the greatness of God and underestimating his power to bring two people together for His good?
If anyone has any thoughts on this topic, that would be great!
While the bride was getting ready, she was starting to get a little anxious. She was talking to her other bridesmaids about how she just wanted to "get to him" and see him. She spent the whole day preparing for him and now she just wanted to get to him. Be with him. Finally hold the hand of the man she would soon marry.
Of course, hearing her excitement to see him, we all let out little "awww's" and smiled back at her. We all shared in her excitement. Then one bridesmaid said "And that's how it'll always be. It's not just today".
Wow. How true. Once you find the man you marry, you're always going to want to "get to him". You'll always want to be with him, love him, support him, help him, and be his number one fan. That feeling of "man, I wish I could just be with him right now. Forget everything else and just be with him" will never (or at least should never) leave.
Upon hearing this, I instantly started daydreaming about my future hunk. I couldn't wait to meet the man I'm meant to be with. But the more I think about this topic, the more I ask this question:
Is there really a man out there - our other half - that God made specifically for us and we just got to find him? Or is it simply that God knows who we'll end up with?
In my twenty years of life, I can't remember going more than two weeks without dreaming about "the man God has for me". But isn't that a little ridiculous? Why would God, a jealous God who wants us to want Him, make a perfect guy who could possibly take my attention away from him?
Where in the Bible does it say that God has made a guy specifically for you? Could it be that we have simply made it up in our minds? It doesn't help when women all over say things like "God has the perfect guy for you" and "you two were meant to be together".
I can't decide if I believe that's true anymore. God never said "I have the spouse for you". He said he will grant us the desires of our hearts but He knows us best and maybe getting married isn't really our hearts desire. It could be our worldly, fleshy desire.
I don't think he made one specific person for another person. I'm starting to believe now that maybe he has multiple people who could be perfect for us and he gives us the option to chose. He knows who we will end up with. As long as we chose somebody who loves God, builds your relationship with him, and loves you with everything.. isn't that really all God desires?
On the other hand, maybe God did create a man with me in mind. Maybe he really is working issues out in our lives and winding our paths so that they eventually cross and we meet. Maybe he does have the perfect guy (for me) out there and he wants us to be together to furthur glorify His kingdom. It's not good for man to be alone (Genesis). Even though the Bible doesn't specifically say "I have made a guy for you", doesn't mean it's not true.
But how can classify this as truth if it's not in the Bible? Could it be that it's mere wishful thinking? Or could it be that I'm doubting, once again, the greatness of God and underestimating his power to bring two people together for His good?
If anyone has any thoughts on this topic, that would be great!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Possessing Everything
"Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything." 2nd Corinthians 6:10
I came across this verse not too long ago and it's always meant something to me, but now I have a whole knew understanding of it.
When driving for a long period of time, my mind tends to wander. If I give my mind too much time to think, it tends to turn into a toxic mind war. I start to focus my attention on sad thoughts, angry thoughts, or terrifying thoughts. Driving back to Iowa from Kansas, my mind started to wander, conjuring up one of the most terrifying thoughts I've ever had.
I realized during my trip that after I pay my utilities bill this month, I'm down to nothing. Literally nothing. No, I don't carelessly spend all my money on shopping (althought I will admit I do shop every once in a while. I am a girl..) but I just don't make enough money to save my money and it goes fast being a college student with living expenses.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to throw a poor-me pitty party or say that I am soo poor because I know I'm not. I understand that there are a lot of people who are worse off than me and I realize that I am very blessed. That's the point. I am so unbelievably lucky to have parents who provide for me. I can count on the fact that they will be there to help me out financially and make sure I'm getting along in life. The terrifying thought that occured was this: I'm down to no money, and if it wasn't for them, I would be a homeless, hungry, uneducated, smelly, cold human being. Even when I get my next pay check, it wouldn't be enough for me to survive on my own. I wouldn't have my apartment, I wouldn't have gas in my car, I wouldn't have food to eat, I wouldn't be going to school; nothing.
I, alone, have nothing. But because of them, I have everything. Everything I need to survive.
That's when it hit me. Truth is, without God, we are alot like my situation. Alone, before we had Him in our lives, we had/were nothing. We were pathetic, selfish, angry, spiritually hungry human beings who longed for something more. We couldn't survive on our own. We could try, but in the end, we are left with nothing. This world leaves us with nothing. But with God, we possess everything. Happy, rich, fulfilled lives with all the blessings that God pours into us.
I don't deserve any of his grace. Just like I don't deserve the kindness of my dad to support me financially. But he does it because he loves me and wants what's best for me. He wants me to live a fulfilled life. He provides me with what I need to survive.
As does God.
Having NOTHING, yet possessing EVERYTHING. It's the beauty of grace.
I came across this verse not too long ago and it's always meant something to me, but now I have a whole knew understanding of it.
When driving for a long period of time, my mind tends to wander. If I give my mind too much time to think, it tends to turn into a toxic mind war. I start to focus my attention on sad thoughts, angry thoughts, or terrifying thoughts. Driving back to Iowa from Kansas, my mind started to wander, conjuring up one of the most terrifying thoughts I've ever had.
I realized during my trip that after I pay my utilities bill this month, I'm down to nothing. Literally nothing. No, I don't carelessly spend all my money on shopping (althought I will admit I do shop every once in a while. I am a girl..) but I just don't make enough money to save my money and it goes fast being a college student with living expenses.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to throw a poor-me pitty party or say that I am soo poor because I know I'm not. I understand that there are a lot of people who are worse off than me and I realize that I am very blessed. That's the point. I am so unbelievably lucky to have parents who provide for me. I can count on the fact that they will be there to help me out financially and make sure I'm getting along in life. The terrifying thought that occured was this: I'm down to no money, and if it wasn't for them, I would be a homeless, hungry, uneducated, smelly, cold human being. Even when I get my next pay check, it wouldn't be enough for me to survive on my own. I wouldn't have my apartment, I wouldn't have gas in my car, I wouldn't have food to eat, I wouldn't be going to school; nothing.
I, alone, have nothing. But because of them, I have everything. Everything I need to survive.
That's when it hit me. Truth is, without God, we are alot like my situation. Alone, before we had Him in our lives, we had/were nothing. We were pathetic, selfish, angry, spiritually hungry human beings who longed for something more. We couldn't survive on our own. We could try, but in the end, we are left with nothing. This world leaves us with nothing. But with God, we possess everything. Happy, rich, fulfilled lives with all the blessings that God pours into us.
I don't deserve any of his grace. Just like I don't deserve the kindness of my dad to support me financially. But he does it because he loves me and wants what's best for me. He wants me to live a fulfilled life. He provides me with what I need to survive.
As does God.
Having NOTHING, yet possessing EVERYTHING. It's the beauty of grace.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Give Me Faith
Give me faith...to trust what you say....that you're good...and you're love is great...I may be weak...but you're Spirit's strong in me...my flesh may fail...but my God you never will.
-Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship
Thank God that's true.
This song came to my mind today while reading my Bible, which is something I admittedly haven't done in a while. I haven't been myself lately. And when I say "myself", I mean my true self. Not the selfish, people pleasing, angry, lazy bum that I resort to. I mean the selfless, people loving, joyous, determined, and content Lottie - the me God created me to be.
I'm reading a pretty awesome book right now called "The Me I Want To Be" by John Ortberg. He talks about how there's the person we are, the person we think we should be, and the person God wants us to be.
Here is the good news. when you flourish, you become more you. You become more that person God had in mind when he though you up. You don't just become holier. You become you-ier. You will change. God wants you to become a "new creation". But "new" doesn't mean completely different; instead, it's like an old piece of furniture that gets restored to it's intended beauty.
I'm gonna be honest. When my spiritual life is at a stagnet place and I refuse to read my Bible, pray, or desire to be this person I'm meant to be, I find myself become more angry, frustrated, uncontent, and fearful. Extremely fearful. Like I said in a previous post, we fear the one who leads to death. And boy, am I afraid of death. I don't need to be at all. But when I'm spiritually lacking, I fear it all the time. Ultimately, that fear is stemmed from lies that Satan likes to feed me. And I KNOW this. For "God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind" (2nd Timothy 1:7). But, do I actually know this?
Here I am again, in that wavering stage.
Satan puts doubts, fears, skepticism, and unneccesary worry into my mind. Keeping me from fully flourishing and become the woman God intended me to be. I hate this, and I KNOW it's happening, yet I don't do anything about it. I want to be this amazing, unique person but I can't seem to get there. I go back and forth like I can't make up my mind. Why?
Guess what, the Bible relates to exactly what I'm feeling! As it usually does.
"For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who did it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law, but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?"
- Romans 7:21-28
Ah, see? Paul relates so well to me. This passage made me feel pretty bad about myself, but then BAM! God hit me with a powerful truth:
"Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" - Romans 7:29
Love it.
It's funny. I know God is my only source of peace and happiness, but that makes me angry (atleast right now) because when I can't get back to my flourishing self and don't "feel" like praying or trusting God, I know that I won't be happy. I can't be happy without God. I just can't. So when I'm being lazy and let my circumstances keep me down, I get even sadder because, truth is, it's up to ME to get happy again. God's always been right there. I'm just to lazy to seek him. That's why I'm angry. That's why I'm sad.
A friend once told me that you can tell a lot about a person by the music he (or she) listens to. I guess this means that if you looked at my iPod, you would definitely be able to tell that I delight in wavering between loving God and loving the world - story of my life. One time, I pressed the Genius button to create an automatic playlist and it came up with two: rap and contemperary christian.
Probably not a good sign.
In my mind, rap symbolizes my old self that I mentioned before and the christian music symbolizes my new self. I've recently been adding more and more christian songs to my iPod because that's the me I want to be. The rap music is slowly getting deleted and isn't taking up all the space on my "recently played" playlist. Example of the "more of God, less of me" concept in the Bible. My iPod is the greatest example of my wavering life and that also saddens me. But I need to stop being lazy, sad about the way am I, and actually DO something about it!
I obviously do not know all the answers yet on how to fix this. However, that's why God gave us the Bible and told us to pray for wisdom. "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." (James 1:5). I will get out of this slump. Here are some steps I'm going to take to get there and if any of you relate to this, hopefully these steps will help you as well.
1) Stop being lazy! "The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied." (Proverbs 13:4) It's time for us to act on what we believe and not on what we feel. Feelings get us nowhere. Faith gets us everywhere. (I made that up myself).
2) Claim my authority over Satan. "Look, I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you." (Luke 10:19). God already defeated Satan. Even though Satan likes to lie to us and make us think otherwise. The battles been won. We can make Satan flee from us and stop feeding us lies. We just have to rebuke him. Gosh, I hate Satan with a passion..
3) Get back in the flow. "Do not give the devil a foothold" (Ephesians 4:27). "Come back to your senses, as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God -- I say this to your shame". (1st Corinthians 15:34). By being angry, lazy, spending excessively, gossiping, unkind, etc. we are just paving the way for Satan to ease back into our lives. Don't give him any room. Don't let your guard down. Pray without ceasing, love others, forgive, and stay in the Word. The Bible gives you a peace of mind and gives you all the answers. Don't spend time out of the flow, out of sync with God, get back in! (This concept is talked about in the book I mentioned above).
4) Boast in my weakness. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me" (2nd Corinthians 12:9). I always though people were crazy for being joyous in times of trial and trouble. But now I get it. God is literally so good in these times. I'm better off in hardship because I'm left with nothing but to come to God, plead for mercy and forgiveness, and time and time again, He shows his love. I grow more, learn more, and become a better person.
Thank you God for times like these and for working through me to help others with the same problem. Thank you that I "have nothing, yet posses everything" (2nd Corinthians 6:10). Thank you God, that I may be weak, but you're spirits strong within me and that my flesh may fail,
but, my God...
you never will.
-Give Me Faith by Elevation Worship
Thank God that's true.
This song came to my mind today while reading my Bible, which is something I admittedly haven't done in a while. I haven't been myself lately. And when I say "myself", I mean my true self. Not the selfish, people pleasing, angry, lazy bum that I resort to. I mean the selfless, people loving, joyous, determined, and content Lottie - the me God created me to be.
I'm reading a pretty awesome book right now called "The Me I Want To Be" by John Ortberg. He talks about how there's the person we are, the person we think we should be, and the person God wants us to be.
Here is the good news. when you flourish, you become more you. You become more that person God had in mind when he though you up. You don't just become holier. You become you-ier. You will change. God wants you to become a "new creation". But "new" doesn't mean completely different; instead, it's like an old piece of furniture that gets restored to it's intended beauty.
I'm gonna be honest. When my spiritual life is at a stagnet place and I refuse to read my Bible, pray, or desire to be this person I'm meant to be, I find myself become more angry, frustrated, uncontent, and fearful. Extremely fearful. Like I said in a previous post, we fear the one who leads to death. And boy, am I afraid of death. I don't need to be at all. But when I'm spiritually lacking, I fear it all the time. Ultimately, that fear is stemmed from lies that Satan likes to feed me. And I KNOW this. For "God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind" (2nd Timothy 1:7). But, do I actually know this?
Here I am again, in that wavering stage.
Satan puts doubts, fears, skepticism, and unneccesary worry into my mind. Keeping me from fully flourishing and become the woman God intended me to be. I hate this, and I KNOW it's happening, yet I don't do anything about it. I want to be this amazing, unique person but I can't seem to get there. I go back and forth like I can't make up my mind. Why?
Guess what, the Bible relates to exactly what I'm feeling! As it usually does.
"For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do -- this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who did it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law, but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?"
- Romans 7:21-28
Ah, see? Paul relates so well to me. This passage made me feel pretty bad about myself, but then BAM! God hit me with a powerful truth:
"Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" - Romans 7:29
Love it.
It's funny. I know God is my only source of peace and happiness, but that makes me angry (atleast right now) because when I can't get back to my flourishing self and don't "feel" like praying or trusting God, I know that I won't be happy. I can't be happy without God. I just can't. So when I'm being lazy and let my circumstances keep me down, I get even sadder because, truth is, it's up to ME to get happy again. God's always been right there. I'm just to lazy to seek him. That's why I'm angry. That's why I'm sad.
A friend once told me that you can tell a lot about a person by the music he (or she) listens to. I guess this means that if you looked at my iPod, you would definitely be able to tell that I delight in wavering between loving God and loving the world - story of my life. One time, I pressed the Genius button to create an automatic playlist and it came up with two: rap and contemperary christian.
Probably not a good sign.
In my mind, rap symbolizes my old self that I mentioned before and the christian music symbolizes my new self. I've recently been adding more and more christian songs to my iPod because that's the me I want to be. The rap music is slowly getting deleted and isn't taking up all the space on my "recently played" playlist. Example of the "more of God, less of me" concept in the Bible. My iPod is the greatest example of my wavering life and that also saddens me. But I need to stop being lazy, sad about the way am I, and actually DO something about it!
I obviously do not know all the answers yet on how to fix this. However, that's why God gave us the Bible and told us to pray for wisdom. "If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking." (James 1:5). I will get out of this slump. Here are some steps I'm going to take to get there and if any of you relate to this, hopefully these steps will help you as well.
1) Stop being lazy! "The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied." (Proverbs 13:4) It's time for us to act on what we believe and not on what we feel. Feelings get us nowhere. Faith gets us everywhere. (I made that up myself).
2) Claim my authority over Satan. "Look, I have given you authority over all the power of the enemy, and you can walk among snakes and scorpions and crush them. Nothing will injure you." (Luke 10:19). God already defeated Satan. Even though Satan likes to lie to us and make us think otherwise. The battles been won. We can make Satan flee from us and stop feeding us lies. We just have to rebuke him. Gosh, I hate Satan with a passion..
3) Get back in the flow. "Do not give the devil a foothold" (Ephesians 4:27). "Come back to your senses, as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God -- I say this to your shame". (1st Corinthians 15:34). By being angry, lazy, spending excessively, gossiping, unkind, etc. we are just paving the way for Satan to ease back into our lives. Don't give him any room. Don't let your guard down. Pray without ceasing, love others, forgive, and stay in the Word. The Bible gives you a peace of mind and gives you all the answers. Don't spend time out of the flow, out of sync with God, get back in! (This concept is talked about in the book I mentioned above).
4) Boast in my weakness. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me" (2nd Corinthians 12:9). I always though people were crazy for being joyous in times of trial and trouble. But now I get it. God is literally so good in these times. I'm better off in hardship because I'm left with nothing but to come to God, plead for mercy and forgiveness, and time and time again, He shows his love. I grow more, learn more, and become a better person.
Thank you God for times like these and for working through me to help others with the same problem. Thank you that I "have nothing, yet posses everything" (2nd Corinthians 6:10). Thank you God, that I may be weak, but you're spirits strong within me and that my flesh may fail,
but, my God...
you never will.
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