Amazing Because It Is

This song "Amazing Because It Is" by The Almost has been in my head for about two to three weeks now and I am not upset about it one bit. It's been speaking some huge truth into my life. (Shout out to a friend of mine for introducing me to this song - you know who you are). 

I'm the type of person who lets fear drive. I'm the type of guy who let's it drive".

This is me. Anyone who knows me knows that my life is fueled by fear. This fears range from extremely irrational to very understandable but either way, I have a fearful heart and it has been taking a toll on me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I was listening to a Mark Driscoll sermon about "Jesus and Anxiety" (look it up on iTunes) and he was naming off some of the physical signs of an anxious person: 

- unusual mood swings, anger  and depression

- adrenaline rushes that make it hard for your body to calm down

- exhaustion

- nervous twitch

- disassociated or checked out 

- paranoia and suspicion (not so much a physical sign)

- weight change

- moments of panic

- feeling overwhelmed

- fantasying about dying (yes, even Christians do this)

- insomnia

- self medicating with alcohol or drugs (which obviously lead to health problems)

- irritability

- wreckless driving

- IBS, headaches, heart trouble, chest pain, chronic illnesses, mental victim, stomach troubles

- shopping sprees (also not physical, but I thought it was ironic..since I am a frequent shopper and now have a fashion blog - whoops!)

Why am I mentioning all these signs? Because almost all of these relate to me and this is how I know I let fear drive. My prayer is that none of you have to deal with fear and anxiety, but let's be honest, it's prevalent in our society. On a side note, just know that when I speak to you about ways to overcome fear and why we can't let it ruin our lives, I speak to you out of brokenness and humbleness because it's the exact issue I deal with on a daily basis.  

Now I'm going to throw you for a loop.

Today's blog isn't about fear and anxiety. That's a topic for another day. Today's blog is actually about God's grace and how simply amazing He is!

Yes, it's true, I am a fearful, anxious worry-wart. I am broken and a quite frankly a mess. Contrary to popular belief, being a Christian doesn't make life "easier". It's actually harder. If you're truly striving to live a life worthy of the gospel, then that means you don't have the freedom to live a life for yourself - a selfish, independent life. You can't give in to your sinful flesh and indulge in certain pleasures. We are tempted to return back to our old selves. We have seen the light, know what it means to walk in the truth, and now we have to abide by these rules set by God. And it is hard. At least I was naive to all my problems before God showed up. I didn't realize how corrupt my mind was or how many times a day I sin. Now I am blatantly aware. And it sucks. 

But realizing how much I suck has been the best thing for me. 

Cuz I'm addicted. I'm needy. I'm lost. Without you. I need you. I need you. 

Oh God, I need you. I need you so bad. I am a ridiculous wreck without you. With you breaking me of my idols and revealing sin in my life, I have become more dependent of you. I am realizing that I cannot do this life alone. There's something more that I'm living for and it can't be for myself.  

We all deal with the same stuff.

"No temptation has overcome you that isn't common to man. And God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it" - 1 Corinthians 10:13

We are all tempted. Even though I struggle, I at least know that God will never leave me. I can always, always count on him. Even if I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. He is my crutch. My question remains: what do people who don't know God do? Who do they run to? Who can they count on? truth is, we cannot live this life on our own, for ourselves, apart from God. We all suck and are in need of a savior. 

Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound. That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost. But now I'm found. Was blind but now I see. 

God, thank you for loving me even though I suck. God, thank you for blessing me far beyond what I deserve. I am a horrible disgrace to your name and yet you stick by me and love me anyways. I mess up, I knowingly do wrong, I don't love others the way I should, and yet you never let me go. You are the peace in the storm, the faithful provider; my strength and protector. I am so beyond blessed to have such an amazing Dad in my life! Undeserving of such amazing grace. Thank you God.