Meaningless Toil to Meaningful Life

So I'm sitting in my journalism class listening to my professor rant and rave about all the great things she's done the past couple days as a reporter for our local newspaper. As she usually does, she spent about 45 minutes of the class period talking about her accomplishments, why she is amazing, and why we should take more initiative and generally be more like her. I'm only half-way listening at this point because, let's be honest, unless you're going to actually teach me something, I could care less. What you do does not impress me and if in fact you were as amazing as you make yourself out to be, then you would't be writing for a local newspaper and you'd be working for CNN by now. But then she did something that caught my attention. She raised her hand to the girl a couple seats down from me and said with a cocky smirk "Somebody high five me! Somebody praise me because I'm amazing! You all need to learn from me and be like me".

Um.. what?

Did that seriously just happen? At this point I am beyond frustrated. This was the moment that I realized how much I hate journalism. Which is ironic...because it's my minor. My teacher single-handily made me hate journalism in .2 seconds. This was hard to swallow for me because now I'm at a point where I don't know what else to do with my life. If I hate journalism (and even my communication major at times), then the life I originally planned for myself is now thrown off course and I need to find a new track. Don't get me wrong, this mid-college crisis was a long time coming, but her comment was the breaking point. I don't ever want to be like my professor. She is one of the thee most self-centered, self-absorbed, prideful people I have ever be taught by in my life. But the sad thing is, I don't think she even realizes it. She doesn't know any better. Her world revolves around journalism. She eats, sleeps, and breathes news. She thinks every aspiring reporter should be as committed to the job as she is because in her mind, that's all life is about. At least that's the vibe I get from her.

My feelings of frustration toward this professor quickly turned to sadness. Does she not know there's more to life than writing a story about two murdered babies? What's the point? What does it matter? You write a sensational story...then what? It goes into an archive and gets forgotten about. When you are 60 and retired, looking back on your life, what are you going to remember? "No children, no fun trips, no lasting memories...but boy that story I wrote back in 2012 sure was great".

I don't ever want to be like that. This experience with my professor made me realize something crucial.

Life is meaningless.

Like a friend pointed out to me, that statement sounds like something you hear from a depressed person. I don't mean this in a "my life is worthless, I want to die" way...It's more like a "there's more to life than meaningless toil".

I struggle to find meaning in my daily tasks anymore. Nothing really matters. Granted, there are things you need to do in order to survive in America (go to college, get a job) and they are good things. But ultimately, these things do not matter in the grand scheme of things. This new realization has changed the way I view the rest of my life. I always always thought I'd write for a magazine or PR/Advertising company someday, but I can't imagine doing that for the rest of my life anymore. I don't feel comfortable promoting vanity and products to people when there are more important things in life that I should be talking about instead! Nothing in this world will last and nothing of this world can satisfy.

“Meaningless! Meaningless!”
says the Teacher.
“Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.” - Ecclesiastes 1:2

Hurray! Just when I thought I was the only one, God brings me to Ecclesiastes. King Solomon had similar thoughts on this topic and his way of thinking is exactly like mine (amazing how God works). He talks about how he tried to find meaning in the pleasures of this life. He did everything he thought would make him happy and accomplished more than any other man in Jerusalem. He had thee life. Yet he wasn't satisfied. He couldn't be. 

"I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
and this was the reward for all my toil.
Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun." - Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

Like me, he was frustrated by this new found wisdom on the meaning of life because he simply could not be satisfied by anything. 

"So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.  I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. And who knows whether that person will be wise or foolish? Yet they will have control over all the fruit of my toil into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. For a person may labor with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then they must leave all they own to another who has not toiled for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. What do people get for all the toil and anxious striving with which they labor under the sun? All their days their work is grief and pain; even at night their minds do not rest. This too is meaningless." Ecclesiastes 2:17-23

Now here's the part that got me the most and it's been the kicker that has rocked my world the past couple of weeks. 

"A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." Ecclesiastes 2:24-26

Everything I do, if it's not with God in mind, is meaningless. Truth is, we spend so much of our life focusing on our grades, stressing over relationships, trying to find a spouse, getting a decent job; we forget that someday these things, although they are good things, are not going to matter in the end. They are not the ultimate goal in life. There's so much more! We are here on Earth to make His name known. To think you are here for any other reason would be deceiving yourself. Like Solomon said, this world won't satisfy us without God.  If I didn't have God, I would be restlessly working to the bone trying to make a life for myself and find satisfaction and happiness in something. But in the end I would ultimately be disappointed. 

With this new realization instilled in my heart, I want to do something that actually matters for the rest of my life. I want to do things that brings glory to God because honestly that's all that matters. It's funny how God can change your plans. I'm not surprised either. 

"Therefore, do not conform to the behaviors and customs of this world. Instead transform yourself by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do. And you will know how good, and pleasing and perfect his will really is" - Romans 12:2. 

I knew there was a reason this has been my life verse. God is changing the way I think. He's been changing my thought process for a long time now. And I'm finally realizing what God wants me to do and it's not journalism. It's not communications. It's not anything like I previously thought. 

God, go ahead and change my plans. Your ways are better than my ways. If Your will really is good, pleasing, and perfect...then I'm all in. Change my plans.